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CHEMICAL JOKES

The chemistry teacher was taken to hospital and after helping placed in the chamber.
- Car accident? - interested in the neighbor.
"No, a typo in the textbook chemistry.

The basic law of chemistry: "the Hot bulb looks exactly the same as cold."

News of science.
Recently, our chemists have received a new substance, from which they cannot wash his hands.

"Where are we?
"Sir, we went to neutral water.
- How do you know?
- The litmus paper does not change color!

Father is a chemist brags to their friends:
Yesterday my son said his first word!
- I wonder what? Mom? Dad? Let?
- Isopropylidenediphenol!

On the chemistry lesson, the teacher asks:
- Masha, a solution what color you got?
Red.
- Well done! Sit down, five. Petenka solution what color could you?
- Orange.
- Not bad! Sit down, four. Vovochka, and you have the solution, what color was it?
- Black.
- Two! Class, get down!!!

If you dream of the periodic table, just not Wake up...
And suddenly learn.

The last words of the teacher: "Children! This experience is completely safe!"

The student passes the exam in chemistry. Little thinks. The teacher decides to ask the last question:
- What is the hybridization of the carbon atom in the methane molecule? Tell sp3 - put three tell sp2 - set two.
Student:
- sp-couple-s-s-re...

American scientists have finally developed a car that runs on water!
Unfortunately, it only works on water from the Gulf of Mexico...

Secondary school No. 5 requires a chemistry teacher with his salary.

Chemistry lesson, theme - iron, Board - Vovochka. Marianna asks:
- Tell me, what is the process of corrosion of iron?
- Iron covered with rust.
- Can write a balanced equation for the reaction?
- Can't...
- And what is rust?
I don't know...
"Okay, let's do it together. Write Fe(OH)3...
- Vovochka writes on the Board:
- FeOFeOFeO.
- The horror! What you wrote here?
- They said FeO... as much as three times...

The exam inorganic. Teacher:
- Write me a formula for thiosulfate...
Student diligently writes: TiOSO4.

Pull the student chemist ticket for the exam.
The first question is acetone. Is silent. The Professor does not stand:
- Well, it's so easy! Acetone (formula CH3 - (C=O) - CH3) - this dimethylketone, is oxidized with a gap of hydrocarbon skeleton, and so on. Do you understand everything?
Student:
- Yes, except for one: why the average "C" is zero?

On the exam, the Professor asks the student:
- How is the oxidation reaction of ethyl alcohol with nitric acid?
The student is responsible:
- Bearable.
- How was it "bad"?!
- But you, rose Yakovlevna, wrote on the Board:
WITH2H5HE + HNO3 = BAD.
(Connection TOLERABLE (O=CH-HC=O) is called glyoxal.)

Associate Professor:
- Ivanov, tell me, in which States can be water?
- Three: solid, liquid and ugly.

In the laboratory of organic chemistry phrase "why persecutest thou?" takes on another meaning.

Comes the old man in the pharmacy and asks: - Do you have 2,3,3a,4,5,6-Hexahydro-8-methyl-1H-pyrazino[3.2.1-j,k]Karbonyldichlorid?
The chemistís wife a few minutes later asks the other:
We retinol acetate is?
- Vitamin a, or what?
Grandfather:
"Yeah, he's the most. Remember that vitamin, and which, I forgot!

What is most important in the study of chemistry? Never lick the spoon!

The law of organic chemistry: if you mix 5 kg of garbage and 5 kg of jam, you get 10 kg of feed.

"I have a flask vyurts deteriorated.
And what's with her?
"Her Wurz is broken...

What is the doughnut hole? This CYCLOBUTANE!

Store chemicals:
- Blue?
- Have.
- What color?

- You don't have any idea about chemistry, dear!
Not true, Professor! I would not have been blonde.

There are two physicist and chemist. One physicist says:
I designed a miniature atomic bomb, soon going to try it!
The other answered him:
- Well and what? I invented a miniature thermonuclear bomb and we too will soon experience!
Chemist thought for a moment and says:
- But I did not come up, but accidentally soiled you polonium.

The student comes home with a bandaged hand. Parents asked what was wrong with him.
- In chemistry classes conducted experiments, and my hand got citric acid.
- Well and what? It doesn't burn.
"Yes, but my neighbor decided to neutralize and put my hand NaOH.

Here's the paradox: the Tsar cannon does not fire, the Tsar bell does not ring, and the Royal vodka you cannot drink!

Comes johnny home and tells his father:
- Dad, you in school cause. I the Desk in the chemistry exploded.
The next day:
- Dad, you in school cause. I study chemistry blew up.
On the third day:
- Dad, you in school cause.
No one will go!
- Well, of course, have nothing on the ruins to go!

Two chemists in laboratorii:
- Vasya, put your hand down in the glass.
- Lowered.
- Something you feel?
- No.
Means, sulfuric acid in another glass.

Chemistry lesson.
"Say, johnny, what substances do not dissolve in water?
Vovochka, without hesitation:
- Fish!

Chlorine - sodium:
"Hey, lend electronic to spin.
- Yes, take it all, I'm still in the black will remain.

Excerpts from real test safety (school Chemistry, 2009, No. 10):
"If spilled liquids or scattered solids, it is necessary
a) clean;
b) inform the teacher;
C) to go unnoticed "
"The dishes to complete the experience we need to use
a) pure; /and do not mind?
b) dirty; / 'll still dirty
in) with cracks; / 'll still smash
g) what is at hand" / the other will not give!
"In a school chemistry laboratory
a) to eat;
b) mixing the reagents without instructions;
C) to run around and make noise;
g) to comply with cleanliness and order."

- What is the oxidizing agent is the strongest?
- Dean's office. As will oxidize, then recovers.

Vovochka regularly truant chemistry. Final exam he got the job: to prove experimentally the properties of nitric acid.
Came to help the global network. The first that issued the search server, was an article about getting nitroglycerin...
This was the last issue of the school.

- In the apartment previously occupied by a chemist, " says the owner of a young man who wants to rent his apartment.
He is constantly experimenting and just in this room.
- Ah... Probably stain on the ceiling is the result of his experiments?
- No, it is itself a chemist.

It all depends on the context. The phrase "free radicals" for the chemist means one policy for another. But for a normal person generally doesn't mean anything.

On the chemistry exam the student comes across a difficult question.
"Professor, I this topic is not organically digest!
"I'm sorry. Then you have to digest mineral...

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